The Bart Starr Legacy

Last Thursday marked the beginning of one of the best times of the year...the beginning of the NFL season! It was a moment of excitement and relief to football fans all over the country. For me it marked one of my favorite moments of the year, the opening game of the Green Bay Packers' 2013 regular season!
Since I was little, I've always been a big Packers fan. It all started when I was about eight and Brett Favre was the starting quarterback for Green Bay. I used to love Favre, also known as the Gunslinger, he was the fucking man! He only won one Super Bowl but he led the Packers to eight division championships, five NFC championship games, and two Super Bowl appearances. He used to be one of the coolest dudes out there. But then it all changed...
After the 2007 season, Favre announced his retirement. He went up on national television, cried his eyes out, and declared that he would be retiring from the NFL. It was this big, huge deal but what was to come was the real interesting part. In 2008, it was reported that Favre had contacted the Packers about a possible return to the NFL. He soon after asked for a conditional release from Green Bay to play for another NFL team. At first the team declined because they had already put all their focus on the quarterback who would be the heir to the throne. His name was Aaron Rodgers, but well talk about him later. After multiple press conferences and some whining, Favre got the Packers to reacquire him and trade him. In August, Favre was traded to the New York Jets for a short-lived stint at quarterback.
Brett Favre went on to play three more years in the NFL, and actually had an impressive last couple of seasons. But enough about Brett Favre, for all us Packers fans he is a long distant memory. It was time to move on and there was a huge spot to fill with the absence of Favre. And the young Aaron Rodgers out of Cal Berkeley, was the perfect fit.
Aaron Rodgers' "rookie season" at quarterback was more than anyone would ever ask for. He threw for a very impressive 4000 yards, and 28 touchdowns. The Packers organization, and all of its fans, had now put their faith in Rodgers and haven't turned back since.
In 2010, Rodgers led the Packers to the Super Bowl to play the Pittsburgh Steelers. Green Bay won in a very thrilling game, 31-25. Aaron Rodgers had one of the best games of his life and was named Super Bowl MVP.
The Packers had a great season following up their Super Bowl win. They ended up only losing one game the entire season, but choked in the postseason. It was all okay though, the Packers were still admiring the Lombardi trophy and their Super Bowl rings.
I continue to put all my faith and support in the young gunslinger, Aaron Rodgers. He is one of my favorite athletes and continues to impress on and off the field. I'm hoping the Packers have a great season and make a run for the championship. Opening the new season with a loss to the Niners was rough, but it's fine. We came out the next week and banged the Redskins out with Rodgers throwing a career record 480 yards and 4 touchdowns. We shall see how the Packers do from here on out.
The future looks bright.


Ferrari

Tears in Her Eyes

Picking up my sister has now become something in the norm for me since I get out of school early. However, this Friday it was somewhat unique since my sister was going to find out if she had made the volleyball team in her school. She had been going to the tryouts for the last two weeks and had made it through the second round of tryouts. Now it was crunch time and she was getting so close to finding out the either very bad or very good news.

I was waiting on the curb outside of the school waiting to spot her out of the huge middle school crowed. I had subway waiting for her just in case she needed some cheering up. About seven minutes after the bell had rung I see her emerge from the school’s doors with a blank look in her face. I couldn’t tell if she was shocked because of the results or sad because she didn’t make it in.

Sadly my little sister didn’t make in the team.

Once she got in she just said “I didn’t make it. I don’t know what else I could have done. I did my best.” Then the tears started running down her cheeks. They just came flowing after she had closed the door. The whole five minute ride back home was really quiet, and extremely awkward. I couldn’t think of anything to tell her because there was no way to make her feel better (even after I gave her the Subway).

 The only thing left was to let her cry it out a while in her room, but I interrupted her sulking by telling her to “Get your s*** together, it is their loss, and were going out to party tonight.” That must have made her feel better since she started to wipe her tears; and I rushed her to get ready. At that moment I just felt that I had to be there for her and I wasn’t going to let some silly little middle school volleyball team ruin her Friday night. 

I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie

 Music was never a really big part of my life until I was about ten years old. Sure, music was played around the house here and there. Filipino artists by my mother and classic rock by my father. My sister listened to various boy bands such as N Sync and Backstreet boys, but me? I didn't have anything that was specifically made for me. Sure, I enjoyed all of those types of music but it never really did it for me.
Then one day sitting on the computer, Lil Wayne's name came across my Myspace page. Curious, I clicked and literally over night, my entire life changed. I spent hours on the computer researching different rappers, discovering albums, memorizing lyrics, and loading hundreds of songs onto my iPod.
Hip-hop, rap, R&B. It didn't take long for it to take over my life, affecting everything from the way I talked, to how I dressed, to how I carried myself. When middle school rolled around and I dealt with being bullied, rappers like Eminem helped me to deal with the crap I had to handle every single day. Even the lame artists like Soulja Boy had an effect on me. I could always look to his songs to brighten my day and make me laugh or just make me feel good.
I knew more about my favorite rappers than I did about seventh grade math. I spent more time listening to new albums that I found than I did on my homework. I could memorize hundreds of lyrics but I couldn't memorize dates for history. I could freestyle over a whole B.I.G. Verse, but I couldn't figure out how to start an essay.
Music was my everything. It still is. I won't say something cheesy like “Hip-Hop Saved My Life,”, because it didn't. But it helped give me the confidence to save myself when things got rough in my life. I wasn't afraid to be myself anymore and I actually liked myself. I liked who I was when I was rapping along with Andre 3000 or making up goofy freestyles in class with my friends.
With my focus on music, I didn't care so much about all of the bad things going on in my life. I didn't care about the people picking on me, which in turn, made them mess with me less. I didn't care about the issues going on at home because I could hide behind my computer and let NWA distract me with their problems.
Now I'm eighteen years old and not much has changed. Some could say that my taste in hip hop has improved ever since I deleted Bow Wow off of my iTunes and replaced him with the likes of Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole, and Mac Miller.. Some could say that my music taste has gotten interesting because of my infatuation with like MF Doom or OFWGKTA. Many people today would think I have a “classic” taste with all of the Jay-Z, 2Pac, Biggie, Eminem, Dre, and Kurupt.
I never would have thought at ten years old that my entire life would be changed by a Lil Wayne album, but here I am, listening to the same album. I'm remember the way my heart pounded in my chest when I listened to lyrics I didn't quite understand and how my foot would tap to a beat that gave me chills. Here I am now, rapping like these were my own lyrics and putting my own damn concert on. Because I'm eighteen and I've still never been to a Lil Wayne concert.  

The Best For You....

                   The image so blurry in my mind because of how young I was and what I was getting myself into is not what normal 15 year olds encounter. In denial, was I really about to take birth control at such a young age? What does it do to my body? Will it really protect me from being pregnant? What if my mom finds out? These questions so normal for one to ask when entering a situation like this.. yet I was barely 15, taking the bus to the clinic by myself, books in hand with homework to do and a life to live. Walking through the 3rd floor, following the signs to the teen clinic, wondering if ill pass by someone i knew and they would just know exactly why i am there. Relief that the path was clear and easy to navigate, my heart would not stop rushing because well. I am not an adult. This is what adults do. Or am I? If i was not an adult, would i take responsibility for my body and protect my family, my friends, my reproductive system and my future? Many would argue that i was stupid, young and naive to be taking such great steps at my age.. but im sure they would argue louder if i was 18, holding my 3 year old's hand. I know i wasn't the only one in need for answers but i was too afraid to ask someone who wouldn't understand and have one more person know about my situation that i dont need in my business.

                   3 months later i find myself dialing his number.. "hello? babe? I need to talk to you.." and i already knew he would assume the worst case possible.. and in a way, i wanted him to. "I can't do this anymore." He was so confused... "do what?!" he says, "are you breaking up with me?!" I begin to tear up because although i was not breaking up with him, i knew that what i was about to say would change everything. "Im flushing my pills down the toilet." I could already feel the tension through my speaker.. "What?! WHY?! That means we cant have sex! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US." I was not about to let myself get yelled at. oh hell no. so this is what i said. "Its changing who I am, ive been moody and cranky ever since i started taking them and im flushing them down the toilet. If you cant respect that, i can flush you down the toilet too. Let me know what you decide. Bye."

                  Since then I knew i would never let myself get into an unknown situation unless for one, i was all for the benefits of it and was a aware of all the risks and causes. And secondly, the person I'm with has to let me decide what I want to do with my body and they damn better respect who I want to be and how I choose to get there. I am an Adult. Because of this experience and a numerous amount of others, it has been proven. 

Ivan

8 years old, give or take a couple 525,600 minutes. Not a care in the world and even less troubles in my life as far as I knew. "Death" what in the world was death to a mind like mine. The concept was unfamiliar to me and heck if the coyote was still alive after being in so many accidents chasing the roadrunner than death just couldn't be too common. Out of the blue though my coyote of a cousin caught death... He was a young coyote, younger than I. Much, much younger than I. He was my aunt's second child and the sadness spread like a wildfire. The odd thing about it was that I must have been fire-proof. I felt no sadness and at times I couldn't stand myself because I didn't feel anything. I was heartless I thought. And what was worse I doubted everything. At such a young age I doubted God. God, I didn't even understand what or who God was. I knew he did good things but where was the good in the death of my cousin. He did no wrong, for he had not the will to even do something wrong. He spoke no wrong for he had not the ability to speak. He was better than any of us but God took him. This God we praise was praised no more by me. Ivan we called him left our world just as quickly as he came into it. Looking back it saddens me I can't put a voice to his face.  It saddens me I'll never hold a conversation with him or get to know him. But what saddens me more is that he was never given a fighting chance to live his life.  Stricken by disabilities maybe he wouldn't have lived a normal life, but he would have lived. Disabilities or not I saw him as any other child I had seen before. He was no different. He had a beating heart like the rest of us. A beating heart that one day just stopped beating.

Growing up

So I'm pretty sure by now most if not all of us are already 18 which means we are adults. Its crazy to look back at it and think that time flies by a lot faster than we realize. I don't know if you guys feel this too, but I feel like some of us grew up too fast. Either cause we were forced to or that was just who we were.

For me it was both; from the time I was a little kid all the way until now, I always wondered why I didn't have the same mindset as some of my friends and most of my peers. My thinking and analyzation of life and everything in general was always so much more in depth than everyone I hung out with. It was also partly because I was such an emotional person too, probably everything I did tied in with my emotions which was always a pain in the ass. Even in high school while everyone was out partying and enjoying the life of being a teen, I was at home planning out my future and how ready I was to get out of high school. By my sophomore year I already had the next 15 years of my life planned out. I was to graduate high school, get my Bachelor's degree by the time I was 22 then go to med school and get my Ph.D by the time I was 26 then open my own clinic by my 30's. The fact that I already had my life planned out made me feel like I was out of the norm in high school, like who the hell plans there whole damn life when there barely old enough to get their license? Anyways, I was obsessed for THE LONGEST TIME about making sure my "15 year plan" went accordingly, but my whole high school experience was pretty shitty so as you guys can probably predict that I was already going off track.

I was so obsessed with being a perfectionist that I never got to stop and be the teenager that everyone else was, at times I did get jealous when I saw so many of my peers just going out and having fun cause I just always thought "Why can't I be like that and just have fun?". At the same time, I'm also glad that I had this type of mindset and that I grew up too fast because it helped me transition easier from high school to college and the real world; many of my friends and peers still have a hard time letting go of their high school life. So for now I guess I'm just trying to make up for all the fun I missed out on and the pleasures in life that don't require sex, drugs or alcohol (and a lot of money, you know us college kids are on a tight budget haha) just the simple stuff. Let me know if you guys feel the same way too cause I feel like I'm the one that feels like a 30 year old stuck inside a 18 year old's body :P

P.S. I hope I don't come off as a know-it-all or as arrogant cause I don't mean to come off that way, just trying to express my thoughts!

That Life Changing Moment

The fact that anything can change in the blink of an eye is crazy. There are so many things and so many people that we take for granted, just because we are so used to having them around. So much that we don't appreciate as much as we should because we automatically think it will be given to us. 

 It was the day before Valentine’s Day when I got a call that I would never wish anyone to receive. My aunt calls me and says that something bad has happen, that my cousins were shot. After all of that processed into my mind, nothing seemed to make sense at all. I had so many questions and needed to know if this was really happening. Was this a sick joke, was this a dream? Then once I realized it was reality, I needed to know where they were, if they were okay, who else got hurt, who did this, how did all of this even happen? The next thing she said to me was that they didn't make it. After those words hit my ears I couldn't do anything else but cry. As I cried I kept wondering why them, why this happen to my family, wished so hard that this wasn't real. Part of my family, my childhood, was taken from me. They both were only 17 and they just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. This tragedy took a big piece out of my family, but we all came together and faced it with the support and love for one another and for the boys. I've never seen so much of my family come together and show affection no matter what happen in the past, but it made me realize a lot about the lives we live today. I learned how precious life actually is and that it can be taken at any moment. Also, that what happen to the boys could have happened to any one of us. Because of this incident I told myself that I will love all my cousins and family no matter what happens. The only downfall is that two of my family members had to be taken for all of us to learn this lesson. 

 So to everyone that may need a reminder, always tell your family that you love them at the end of the day always make the best memories and enjoy every moment that you can, because you never know what tomorrow will bring you.

Change

There are times when having to experience something new can be very nerve-wracking. A memory that I will solely never forget is the day where I had to transfer from school to school. I was already in my second year in high school, and I had a pretty close relationship with my friends I’ve met from freshman year. Coming home from school, I received a letter from the district regarding students who are living outside of the city attending city schools. They were currently trying to find students who lived outside the city but attended city schools. Eventually, most students who lived outside the city got caught including me. The district gave me a choice, whether to attend another high school in the city that wasn’t filled or attend the school near my residential area. I decided to stay in the city, because I didn’t want to have to leave all my friends. Luckily, the school I’ve chosen was right near the original school I attended. The first day felt disastrous because I didn’t know anyone in the school. I felt like an outsider, everyone was a stranger to me. When I first entered the building I felt a weird spine-chilling feeling, because everything was new to me. Having to go through the experience of meeting new people, and starting new friendships was hard because everyone already had their own cliques. However, my expectations were absolutely wrong. Every class I attended, they all welcomed me warmly. I felt like I was already part of the school, it made me feel comfortable and also allowed me to meet many new people. I eventually graduated from that school, and I’m glad to say that the people I’ve met thru the past years are very important to me. Having to go through such a change, made me realize that change isn’t so bad after all.

Grad Nite 2013

Everyone has those days where you think back and say, "Wow, I will never forget about that time..." Well for me, "that time" was when my senior class and I went to Disneyland for Grad Nite. In the beginning, we all went our separate ways, in our own group of friends, roaming around the parks. But by the time all the schools had to gather up in California Adventures, my school decided to get everyone together and put Los Banos on the map. (Yes, I did say Los Banos, like the bathrooms. Town so small that we had less than 300 people in my senior class.) We all got together and started running all over the park screaming "L What??" "L.B.!" Not to sound cocky, but we had all eyes on us. Students from other schools even started running and chanting with us, even if they had no idea who we were. We danced all night and just enjoyed one of the last few nights we would have together. Luckily, a few of my friends made a video of the whole night. (But I'm not sure if that's very appropriate for here, lol)

When we all got back into town the next day, we were all able to say that we felt a stronger connection with one another. The only downside was that when we all started to finally feel like one big family, we would have to leave and go our separate ways a couple weeks after. But I am completely blessed to spend an amazing night with my outrageous class on the Happiest Place On Earth! (:

My Addiction

I was only in the seventh grade when I became an addict. No, it wasn't anything bad like crack or cocaine. I was addicted to shoes. I bought my first pair of jordans in the seventh grade and felt so much excitement that day. I never felt anything like it. It was like a high. Not that I know what getting high feels like. I knew I had to feel it again so I quickly went home and began my long research on shoes. I learned more about shoes in that one day of research than I did in my past eleven years of existence. I knew which shoes Michael Jordan wore himself and why they were more significant than other shoes he didn't wear. I even memorized the dates for future shoe releases. I began marking my calendar to remember when my favorite pairs came out. I was so addicted to shoes the next couple of years I even had it set as my wallpaper for everything, from my phone to my desktop. I was so obsessed with shoes at one point, I once camped out fourteen hours from ten in the morning to midnight just to get them. It was freezing cold but I didn't care, I just wanted to feel that rush again. As I grew up, though, the rush began wearing off as I bought shoes. Eventually, it got to the point where I just started questioning myself, "Was this really worth all that time and money?" When I began thinking that, I knew I was done with shoes. I could no longer justify spending that much money and time on shoes that I never wore. Plus, it became harder than ever to get the shoes I wanted. More and more people began buying shoes but they didn't buy it because they were addicted like me, they bought it just to resell later on at ridiculous prices. This really made it difficult to get shoes because people were willing to pay those insane prices so more and more people began buying shoes to resell as well. I had collected up to nearly fifty pairs of shoes before I decided to enter rehab for my addiction and began selling my shoes to my friends and strangers I met on craigslist. I don't even know what's going on with shoes now. I rarely google about shoes now, compared to a couple of years when I would literally google about shoes every single day. I actually do miss that feeling I felt whenever I got a new pair of shoes, though. I guess I'll always have a love for shoes even if I try to quit.

Fineshrine- Purity Ring

Fineshrine- Purity Ring

The song is about loving not with desire, but loving willingly. To look at that one person and know in your chest that that's who you want to be with, not to just love someone to toot and boot....

The use of metonymy of bones such as ribs and sternum describes something bigger, her whole body. And emphasizes that she is a human, but parataxis is being used when she says he thinks she is being made like a "fineshrine". Because a human is not holy or sacred, they're simply mammals who have evolved. Imagery of a lake and cliff contributes pure and earthy scenery. THE SONG IS BEAUTIFUL, listen to it! 

But enough about the whole symbolism of the song because it makes it sound really boring. When you hear the instrumental factors you already know that it's a happy song, none of that emo I WANNA DIE crap. We all need music that puts us in a GOOD MOOD, not in a mood to drink, smoke, or risky behavior. A song that does you good-emotionally evoking, lyrical or not.... Violent, drug related music makes me cringe.... Even though I agree that MAAD CITY by Kendrick Lamar does have some catchy lyrics. "YAWK YAWK YAWK" -.-  

Personally I think Lamar is too cocky but he is a good rapper... Anyways, that's all for song analysis. And I'm sorry if this seemed like a rhetoric diagnosis, I love to analyze things and I guess that was the only way I knew how.

My best Memory!

      One of my best memories I ever had was going to prom at my bestfriends school. The school I went to is quite small, and sadly dances, or for that matter of fact ANY KIND OF FUN was not allowed. A very isolate strict school. I was sad that all my friends are goin to prom and having a fantastic high school expierence. I dreamed of going to prom! My bestfriend saw that I was very upset and invited me to her schools prom. I was VERY exited!!
      It was a week before prom and sadly i was not very prepared for it. I had to go buy a dress. My friend told me to get the classic prom style dress, a long dress. I HATE long dresses. So I decided to buy a short but classy dress, very hard to find. I could not find one at all I looked everywhere possible! BOBKISS!! NADA! I was in a panic to get a dress when all of a sudden I go to my friends house and she has a dress for me. It was beautiful I loved it.
       The day of the prom comes and I need to get ready. My bestfriends mom did my makeup for me because she is proffesional. She did my make up and hair for 2 hours. I never sat that long in a seat ever in my life!! My hair was all curled and my face, let me tell you, I looked like Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. It was a big change. That day I learned the wonders of what make up can do to a girl. I never looked this nice in my life. NO JOKE!
       That night the prom was healed at HYATT hotel in downtown. A very elegant hotel. The music was awesome. A lot of rap songs and hip pop songs. best part was when about 300-400 people if not more did the cupid shuffle, and the harlem shake. That was very fun to watch and dance to. I danced till the ballroom place had to be closed because people were starting to get kickout. i had to be sadly kicked out. Wanted to keep partying but fun has to end eventually right? I come back to my bestfriends house all pooped and go straight to bed. In my head the whole night i thought was an amazing bestfriend I have, and how much fun I had that night!

The Importance of Reading and Writing: A Story About My Personal Growth

When I was in elementary school I hated reading because I struggled with comprehension. Most of the time I didn’t remember what I was reading. I often felt ashamed of not being an avid reader because I thought I wasn’t smart enough to understand a text the “right way”. The attention I gave to reading declined, as a result, I kept reading something that I didn’t want to understand. Although I disliked reading in elementary school, I enjoyed writing because writing helped me cope with my innermost feelings. I didn’t see writing as something that I was forced to do, but rather something that I enjoyed doing. During that time in elementary school, I learned more about myself through writing than in reading.

Despite my hatred for reading in elementary school, I realized that I shouldn’t dislike reading. I realized that reading comes from a writer’s experience—a writer’s ultimate goal is to help another writer. Because of that epiphany, I decided that I needed to change the way I viewed reading and writing. I learned to appreciate reading and writing through the stories that I hear from other writers. The stories that writers write for their readers are normally through some form of experience. To help me improve on my comprehension, I began reading novels that I wouldn’t normally read—I disciplined myself to write a summary at the end of each chapter so I can refer back to the chapter if I forgot what it was about.

I’ve never disliked writing because I’ve always felt like writing was a place where I can be the most truthful. Writing allowed me to be honest with myself—whether it’s from being emotional to being angry—the pleasure of writing my feelings onto a piece of paper made me feel at ease with myself. Writing is the biggest contributor to my personal growth. When I look back at different writing styles that I’ve done, I noticed that I struggled most with grammar and punctuation marks. Sometimes I misuse a semi-colon or a hyphen, and sometimes my grammar is written incorrectly. However, that’s the purpose of writing—to learn from mistakes by allowing oneself to keep improving.

From elementary school to currently being a college student, I noticed my strengths and weaknesses. I accepted the importance of reading and writing: the purpose of stories are written for people to learn from each others' mistakes—sometimes people choose not to accept a story and others learn to love the story—the experience that a writer tells the readers is what makes a story worth reading.

Sleep Paralysis

          It was a morning like any other, or so I thought. 7 am Saturday morning, the sun shining through the window illuminating the room. As I laid on my side I opened my eyes to find that something was different about this morning. It wasn't that the sun rose from the opposite side, or that my room had rearranged itself throughout the night, but that there was an unfamiliar presence in the room that should not have been there.

          I kept calm assuming my brother had just awoken and was getting ready for the day. However, in the back of my mind I could not help but think there was something else. Seconds passed by, which turned into minutes, I struggled to concentrate on hearing what was in my room without moving, to confirm that it was my brother. As time dragged on I stared at the clock which had accumulated 30 minutes. That was long enough for me, so I decided to lift my head to see if he was actually there. But at that moment I knew something was wrong. Before I could lift my head, I heard his voice, but . . . it was coming from outside my room. I started to panic, cold sweat filled my body, and I was becoming short of breath. The presence that I had previously felt began to grow stronger. I tried to look past my bed but my blanket had blocked my view of everything, and just when I tried to move I felt that I had lost control of my body. I couldn't move at all, my body lay in the same position for what felt like hours. In constant panic there was nothing I could do but wait, but as I waited a force began to press against me, pinning me to my bed. Voices began to speak, but they were muffled and distorted. I closed my eyes thinking it was only a dream, but the voices spoke louder and in the next moment . . . BAM!

          My brother opened the door which relieved me from this paralyzation. He had come over to my bed assuming I was asleep and shook my body freeing me from the stiffness that had overwhelmed me. I could not have felt more saved in my life. As I confirmed that I was awake he left the room. I got up relieved and convinced that it was nothing more than just hallucinations. I looked at the damaged done by my sweat, almost laughing, there had been a mark so big that it was split in two. But even that seemed a bit odd, and I remembered that I had only been laying on my side . . .

Best Decision I've Ever Made

San Francisco State University was not exactly the top college that I wanted to go to, because I’m from the Bay Area so SFSU was one of my “safety” schools. I never really planned on going here it was just my backup in case I didn't get into my top choices. I ended up applying to only four colleges and didn’t get into the ones that had the major I wanted so I ended up having to choose between here and Sonoma State, and so I chose SFSU because it’s in the city so obviously there is a lot of things to do which is nice! But now I really like SFSU and I am glad that I chose this school to attend. So even though I live about twenty five minutes away from here and could commute, I decided to get a dorm so I could live on campus. I know a few people from my high school who are coming here and when I asked them if they are going to live on campus they all said they weren’t. After hearing so many no’s I was conflicted if living on campus was a good idea or not, because I know it would be A LOT cheaper to live at home and commute then to pay over $12,000 for a room. But ultimately in the end I really wanted to have the whole experience of college and a big part of that is living on campus. I’m really happy with my decision to live here because I’m finally on my own and can go and do whatever I want with no one telling me what to do. Also I have gotten to meet a lot of people by living on campus. Unlike if I was just commuting because then I wouldn't have been able to meet the people I have and had gotten to know them over the past three weeks. Honestly now I’m so used to living here that I don’t get why people would want to still live at home and commute because that does not really seem like your in college. It just seems like high school but with a even longer drive to get there and who wants to do that?!?

A Prequel to Fear

To tell you the truth, my memory of past events are very fuzzy. Much of what I will write is based on assumptions of facts of my personality at the time. Interpretation is the name of this game which I shall play so do not assume all that will be revealed as fact. Question the validity of certain points, doubt specific premises, and most of all, distrust memories. I tell stories, not truths.

I will take you back to a time of when I was age 13. The scenario: a family reunion at a cousin's house in Pleasant Hill and a high speed descent with little safety gear. Us children were harried by the loud conversations held by the adults and the loud television playing a movie at deafening volumes for our grandparents so we fled into the sanctity of the stairway and the upper floor. We had eaten a few a hours ago so the potential for cramping was near-finished. I bring this up because while we were eating, the eldest male cousin had proposed that we take the scooters for a ride around the neighborhood. That had sounded fun to the second eldest cousin and me, but not to my younger cousins and my sisters. When I had heard that my sisters who had protected me almost my entire life weren't coming, I immediately felt like reconsidering. I had agreed to the escapade during the meal, but expressed  my doubts only as my elder cousins and I descended the stairs and headed to the garage. They told me that if only the two of the were going, then there would be no point in going. I did not retort. We had passed my sisters and our eldest female cousin, the sister of our eldest male cousin, on our way down. My sisters stopped us and asked me if I still wanted to go and I was just about ready to run to them and join whatever they were doing at the time, but my eldest cousin said that I had said that I would. I immediately felt some guilt well up with the thought of ditching my eldest cousins. My sisters had bade him let me respond. After a pause and some stammering, I had said, in a reluctant tone, "I wanted to go." I had hoped that they would continue their commandeering of the situation so that I could hold off going as much as possible, but they just shrugged when I given my reply and resumed their playing. At that moment, I wished that everyone could read my mind so that they could tell I didn't want to go. I trailed behind my cousins slightly lagging behind. I couldn't help but feel like I was being pressured into going. But I didn't dare put up any resistance in the end. I was afraid that they would get mad at me. I was deathly afraid of going. But, what was I more afraid of?

Is this a dream?

I haven’t been to a lot of concerts before, in fact, before this one I’ve only seen one other concert. And now, I was finally going to see my favorite band in my favorite city. A Day To Remember playing at the Warfield in San Francisco, and I had a ticket. Was this real? It felt like a fantasy.

 As the day of the concert came closer I almost couldn’t contain my excitement. I would bring it up everyday when talking to my friends at school. But there was an issue that I knew my mom wasn’t going to be very happy about, I had only bought one ticket and that meant going to this huge city for a concert by myself. I hadn’t even told her about the concert at this time either. Luckily, I ran into one of my friends at the gym and he is an even bigger A Day to Remember fan than I am; of course I brought up the concert and found out he was going as well. We got to talking, I now had a ride AND someone to enjoy the concert with. Only thing that sucked about the situation was that he and his sister had VIP tickets that included meeting the band. So he was able to go into the concert earlier than everyone else. Which meant I had to wait in line by myself, but at that time I didn’t really care because I had a way of getting to the concert with a friend.

 It was time to talk to my mom about the concert, at first she wasn’t too happy about me going but eventually she said yes. I think she became tired of me begging her to let me go. A few days later I had tweeted about the concert coming up and one of my other friends said that him and his sister were going too. I asked him where he was sitting and luckily enough our seats were almost right next to each other. So we had decided to all meet up when we arrived in the city that day.

The day I had been looking forward to was finally here! School was over and I was headed home to change and grab a few things before we got on the road. About three hours later my friend Lalo, his sister and I were in San Francisco. It had taken us a little while to actually find where the venue was and to park. We ended up parking quite a ways away so we had to walk for a while to get in line. We met up with our friend Ero and his sister a few minutes later. The doors didn’t open for a few hours so we were stuck waiting outside the venue. After about five or so minutes of waiting in line, a guy walks up to us and starts to talk really fast. I couldn’t really understand what he was trying to say at first until I realized that he was hitting on me. Both Ero and Lalo picked up on it as well and were trying to just get him to keep walking but he wouldn’t. It was getting uncomfortable for me and my friends could see it on my face. Eventually the guy kept walking but he wasn’t our last encounter with a homeless person while waiting in line. After a few hours of waiting the doors finally opened and it wasn’t long until we were inside headed to our seats. There were a few bands opening up for A Day to Remember, so it was about an hour and a half before they actually took the stage.

The time I had been waiting for so long was finally happening! A Day to Remember was taking the stage; the lights dimmed down to just a spotlight on the backdrop of the stage. The shadows of the band members walking across the stage made the crowd go insane. Then as the guitars started to be played the venue became even louder with cheers. Their opening song was called “Second sucks”, one of the bands most popular songs.

I won’t ever forget that night. I experienced watching my favorite band perform live in one of my favorite cities with people that loved the band as much as I do. It was one of the best days I’ve had and the bands performance was unforgettable.

A Day To Remember- All I Want

Softball Blues

If it were possible to erase a memory from one's mind, I would choose this one. It was my junior year of high school and I was sitting in my favorite Spanish class when I received a note requesting my immediate attendance in the office of the school athletics director. My heart sunk. It was just a few days before the first game of the season and I knew my coach would be making his final cuts.

As I slowly made my way to the front of the school, I tried to convince myself it wasn't true. I told myself:

"It's just a mixup."

"Maybe he has an award for you."

"There must be another [Lightning] at this school."

"I probably just left something in his office."

My efforts were to no avail. 

Upon my arrival, I instantly noticed the sorrowful expressions on the faces of Mr. Winton and Coach McAfee. I instantly broke out in tears. Nobody had spoken yet, but I knew what was coming. My 12 year career as a softball player had reached its endpoint. 

I cried the entire way to my car, the whole drive home, and basically until I exhausted myself into a deep sleep that night. I felt sick to my stomach. My confidence level was at an all time low. I hated McAfee for doing this to me and I hated myself for not being good enough. I simply didn't want to accept that I had failed to achieve my dream of proudly wearing a varsity softball jersey.

I had never felt so much pain in my heart and the worst part about it was the date; February 14th, 2012. I had my heart broken on Valentine's Day.