The image so blurry in my mind because of how young I was and what I was getting myself into is not what normal 15 year olds encounter. In denial, was I really about to take birth control at such a young age? What does it do to my body? Will it really protect me from being pregnant? What if my mom finds out? These questions so normal for one to ask when entering a situation like this.. yet I was barely 15, taking the bus to the clinic by myself, books in hand with homework to do and a life to live. Walking through the 3rd floor, following the signs to the teen clinic, wondering if ill pass by someone i knew and they would just know exactly why i am there. Relief that the path was clear and easy to navigate, my heart would not stop rushing because well. I am not an adult. This is what adults do. Or am I? If i was not an adult, would i take responsibility for my body and protect my family, my friends, my reproductive system and my future? Many would argue that i was stupid, young and naive to be taking such great steps at my age.. but im sure they would argue louder if i was 18, holding my 3 year old's hand. I know i wasn't the only one in need for answers but i was too afraid to ask someone who wouldn't understand and have one more person know about my situation that i dont need in my business.
3 months later i find myself dialing his number.. "hello? babe? I need to talk to you.." and i already knew he would assume the worst case possible.. and in a way, i wanted him to. "I can't do this anymore." He was so confused... "do what?!" he says, "are you breaking up with me?!" I begin to tear up because although i was not breaking up with him, i knew that what i was about to say would change everything. "Im flushing my pills down the toilet." I could already feel the tension through my speaker.. "What?! WHY?! That means we cant have sex! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US." I was not about to let myself get yelled at. oh hell no. so this is what i said. "Its changing who I am, ive been moody and cranky ever since i started taking them and im flushing them down the toilet. If you cant respect that, i can flush you down the toilet too. Let me know what you decide. Bye."
Since then I knew i would never let myself get into an unknown situation unless for one, i was all for the benefits of it and was a aware of all the risks and causes. And secondly, the person I'm with has to let me decide what I want to do with my body and they damn better respect who I want to be and how I choose to get there. I am an Adult. Because of this experience and a numerous amount of others, it has been proven.
wow this was very touching. You did a very smart move for sure. To honestley admit I was somewhat in the sam situation as you. i also considered taking birth control but i knew how the people around me would feel about that. I also did alot of research on it and decided not to do it. I think you did the right ting for sure and you should never let anyone pressure you into doing things. If that one person cannot exept u for who you are let them go. They are not worth your time. This was very personal and deep. I really liked how you used dialoge and explained things to make you actually picture it.
ReplyDeleteThis painted a vivid picture of a kind of coming-of-age moment. As Thunder0821 mentions, I think the mixture of stream-of-consciousness and dialogue is really effective. There were certain moments when I was a little unclear in terms of what was going on, but all in all things came through. I also saw a lot of opportunity for hyperlinks and images; I hope you will try to implement them next time!
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