Tattoos

"My body is my journal, and my tattoos are my story" 

-Johnny Depp

I got my first tattoo when I was sixteen years old. Yeah, I know. You're too young. You're going to regret it. How's it gonna look in thirty years? I've heard it all before, hundreds of times. But at sixteen, I knew exactly what I wanted, had wanted it for nearly two years, and I had the money to get it. Nothing was going to stop me. I had spent a while thinking about my first tattoo. I wanted it to be meaningful and I wanted it to be small. If my mom knew about it, she would have killed me and I was not about to die over some ink.

I talked my cousin into driving me to the guy's house and honestly, it went way better than I would have expected. We met the guy, John, at his current residence which ended up being a motel but I didn't question it. See, John was an O.G. and I was not about to offend this guy or make it awkward. We went up to his room, which was more of a suite so it wasn't too bad, and John started drawing my tattoo out for me.

"Why a dove?"

In my search for the perfect tattoo, I looked at different animals, meanings, and other people's tattoos for some type in inspiration. Coming across the dove completely by accident, it ended up being exactly what I wanted. The dove is a symbol for peace and that's exactly what I needed in my life. After going through a rough few years filled with anger, disappointment, anxiety, depression, and hate, I was ready to let it all go. I was finally going to be at peace with everything in my life and stop worrying so damn much. I'm young and I plan on enjoying my youth to it's fullest extent. 

Getting the actual work done was terrifying. I was still recovering from a nasty cold so I was hopped on so much medication to keep myself from sneezing or coughing, and I was exhausted. Plus, I didn't know how much it was going to hurt. I knew that it couldn't be too bad since I got it a little to the right and slightly below my left hip bone, that meaty area, but it was still going to hurt. 

In the end, it only hurt for about half of the tattoo and then it was more is an annoying pinch as he finished it up. I paid my $40 and voila, I had my first tattoo.

Fast forward two years and I'm getting a phone call from my friend to come with her to the tattoo expo that was at Cow Palace. The tattoos wouldn't be too expensive and it was highly unlikely for them to actually card me (I still haven't gotten my ID), so I was more than down. This time, I wanted a quote and I wanted it on my ribs.

Let me begin by saying that if you plan on getting a rib tattoo... prepare yourself. I've been through a lot of painful things but nothing hurts quite like that, especially if you're bony like me. I could practically feel the needle etching the quote into my bones and man, that hurt so much. But at the same time, it was addictive. It's a pain that you crave right after and I'm honestly ready for more and more tattoos.

I had decided on a quote from my favorite poem by Marianne Williamson called Our Deepest Fear. The line reads "Your playing small does not serve the world." Something about this line always stood out to me and after thinking about it for a long time, I understood it a lot better. It was a constant reminder for me to be my best no matter what and not to downplay my accomplishments. It was a reminder to be proud of myself, to improve myself, and to inspire people around me to be the greatest that they can be. Being someone who has had a lot of self esteem issues, getting this tattoo was like that final step in learning to love myself, as dorky as that sounds.

It was hard for me to get to such a good place in my life. It hurt like hell and I guess my tattoos are a symbol for that pain, as well as the good that came from that pain. I'm nothing without my struggle, and my tattoos wouldn't be here without the pain of a needle going in and out of my flesh rapidly for 30+ minutes. Tattoos have become a huge part of my life and I plan on getting many, many more as I get older, experience more, and have the funds to do so.